Disclaimer: Things written here might offend some. But that is no issue, to be offended is the objective. However, one must remember that this is purely a work of fiction.

The results for the 12th are out today and my neighbour’s son has passed with flying colours, rather a topper of his batch. I excitingly queried about his career dreams, and with a 56-inch chhaati (now a benchmark for ‘handsome quotient’ among the teenagers) he proudly announces that he will be appearing for the entrance exam for 21 Gau Rakshak Battalion under the Ministry of Defence.

It became his dream job after the millennium revolution of cow protectionism. He explained how, in a school project, he did a comparison of the anatomy of a cow and a buffalo to show what makes the holy mother and the calves, oh sorry, the half-brothers worth the stay in the Gau Mata Kalyan Griha. He has been attending the coaching classes for the exam since standard 9 under the Skill India movement hosted by Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, endowing free education on such subjects and clothes (though of the particular shade Khaki—the colour of nationalists. It could even be kesariya, just like the new jerseys of Indian cricket team, but then Khaki represents service). Well, his parents are very supportive too, as the battalion pays really well, enough to support the family which has been through the turmoil of momos and noodles.


Meanwhile, scientists have started their research on how to protect the endangered peacock when there is no worry to cry upon. They did try to use tear gas on them, but, futile. There were few other species of animals which used to cry, which lived till 20 years back. So as a measure to stop the sorrowing epidemic from expanding, these vicious species were shot at sight, or wherever they tried to gather. …um…uh…what were they called? …Yesss….Farmers…! Gone are the days when farmers used to thrive. Thrive? My apologies, the word is survive.
It is now such a nice world to live in, when else did one find this kind of harmony in the Indian ecosystem, expanding till TRAPPIST-1 with the efforts of ISRO?! See we know from our updated history books that there was Ram Raj, there was the unmatched kingdom of Maharana and that of Shivaji, and isn’t that truly what we are living in? How else could have Satyug come back without the hard hitting counterstrikes against the brainwash of the socialists, sorry the anti-nationalists, in this country? We braved it all, and surely I won’t forget the equally important contributions made by some crucial parties in this transitional history of India—the Congress. Well, after the most eligible bachelor of the party shifted his base to London, at least for 299 days a year, the party realized it was time to look within, but oh there wasn’t any other Gandhi to be spotted. The throne was vacant and their brainstorm to choose the next in line breed fell short of consensus, and thus there were hundred more parties. Yes, the CPIs did try to reach out to the people to extend their clan of anti-establishment approach, but the language was too complex to decipher by the commons with no JNUs around. Obviously our Bollywood did make a Biopic, because how would they not, and thus came out the world’s most grossing movie—Gaddi ki Jung—reaching Rs 1,00,00,00,00,00,00,000 cr in just two weeks! Remarkable it is, it does take some crazy vfx to bring the brigade of 2010s alive on screen!
With already our 23 states under the President rule, everything seems peaceful, especially Kashmir. It is peaceful when one knows that everyone has the gun to protect them. It took us so many years of hardship to reach the level of the world superpower North Korea. Didn’t we fight all this with the greatest of our courage to leave not a single soul for vendetta for liberalism?

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